“I can’t believe this is happening to me!” “Who would’ve thought that my life would end up this way?” “Why me, Lord?”
So many questions raced through my mind.
“Why don’t I still have my car? Why are these bills piling up? Why is everyone around me succeeding?”
Another failure. Another set back. Another temptation to throw in the towel. Had I done something wrong? What sin did I commit this time?
Growing up, I always wanted things to be perfect. In my depiction of perfection, the ultimate goal was to have the approval of my peers. I wanted everyone to be pleased by my accomplishments and lavishness.
My definition of perfection was to be married by 22 years old, have a spacious house, a fancy car, and two years later, start having children. My vision of perfection was to have two college degrees by 25. However, my reality was fearfulness, anxiousness, and procrastination. I wanted to help others, especially children, see their worth but internally I was struggling with my own confidence. When hard times appeared I was a “train wreck.”
You’re never going to be happy with what you get, if you’re never happy with what you have. – Claire Wineland
Panicking became a habit when the bills were due or deadlines for various things came up. You see, I thought I had the right formula: Pray, wait, look for the answer, worry. I would pray to God for a miracle; pray that He’d help me get through these trying times. Then I’d wait for a response and look for some form of an answer. Finally, when things were not lining up according to my speed preference, I would worry. It was foolish, I know, but somehow this became my staple when tough times presented themselves.
And who of you by worrying can add one hour to [the length of] his life? – Matthew 6:27 AMP
Eventually, I became tired of my habit of “freaking out” and decided to do something different. I decided to be still. I decided to examine my life. I decided to perform a reality check. The truth was I was spending too much worry about problems and too less time enjoying everyday. I had wasted so much time trying to put the pieces together, that by the time the issue was resolved the day would be over. I finally realized that every storm had a beginning and an end. I cried when I realized what I was doing. I apologized to God for not using the time He had given me wisely. Then I apologized to myself for contributing to my own destruction.
God had given me a new day to live. I started to smile more often. I started watching people enjoy their lives. I started to go to parks more often. When I’d wake up the sun would shine on me and I’d embrace the moment. The more I began to focus on the beautiful moments in life I began to think more clearly. I began budgeting and organizing my time wisely. I began to invest in my own ideas, gifts and talents.
I say all of this to let you know that life is a treasure. We are given one life on this earth. If you are frustrated or focused on your problems, you can miss a great moment. Let God’s light into your life. Change your perspective. Sense the opportunities where you can encourage others. Appreciate each new day. God loves you and He took the time to create you, a beautiful, unique, and treasured being. Love yourself. Let love guide you in forgiving others. You can not move forward with baggage from the past. Regardless of what has happened to you and what others have said, you are a remarkable being.
For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. – Ephesians 2:10 NLT
I encourage you to say this affirmation: I am a blessing. I am wonderful. I am powerful. I am not my past mistakes. I am not the problems that I am faced with. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I will see with eyes of gratitude. I will be a light because I have a purpose.