I Doubted on Good Friday

So there I was sitting on the bus stop wondering why I had missed my bus…

I got up Friday morning feeling great. I had prayed, worshiped, and studied in God’s presence. The day was off to a great start.

I had been on a Facebook fast. So my day consisted of budgeting, organizing, listening to sermons, and preparing to go to work. I had been instructed by God to step out on faith.

I didn’t have enough change to catch my bus. But God had assured me that He would take care of me if only I’d move in faith. So for the past month, I had gotten up every morning focused on God to provide a way for me.

On Tuesday, I came out the house with a bag of pennies. At this point I had already come to trust that God would get me to my destination safely. When my first bus arrived, I began putting the pennies in the coin slot. The bus driver looked at me with disdain. He saw me putting the pennies in one by one. Eventually he decided to help me by pouring the pennies down the slot. When I finished my fare with a quarter and some nickels, I was still due.

“Well, you’ve made it to the $1.00 mark!” he said with a smirk on his face. He asked if I had more pennies and I told him that I didn’t think so. I thought he was going to tell me to get off of the bus.

But all of the sudden, faith rose up within me. I turned to the direction of the passengers and asked for change. Immediately, passengers began checking their purses and pockets to see if they had extra quarters. As I walked down the aisle, I began speaking in an auctioning manner. Two passengers had a quarter each to contribute and a man further back had a quarter. “Going once, going twice, sold!” I said in excitement.

As I headed back to the front where the bus driver was, he looked appalled but couldn’t help but smile in amazement at my act of faith.

Faith moves mountains.

Now I was sitting on the bus stop waiting for my bus to arrive. When I finally spotted it I heard within myself, Wait for the next bus. I contemplated, questioned, then sat back down on the bench. So there I was sitting on the bus stop wondering why I had just missed my bus. Was it fear that had entangled me? Was it the last minute jitters talking me out of moving once again in faith?

Our heavenly Father understands our disappointment, suffering, pain, fear, and doubt. He is always there to encourage our hearts and help us understand that He’s sufficient for all of our needs. When I accepted this as an absolute truth in my life, I found that my worrying stopped.

Throughout the whole day I went on a guilt trip. I began mentally replaying the scenario and beating myself up (figuratively speaking) for not getting on the bus. I started questioning if I was hearing from God and went on a detour of doubt in my mind.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths. – Proverbs 3:5,6

But I recall while I was riding to work God began ministering to me.

I forgave you over 2000 years ago. Stop beating yourself up.

Although I had failed God numerous times, His grace was still enough for me. So I repented, forgave myself (yes, that is necessary), and continued on the faith journey.

I want to remind you that we fail. We fall. We falter at times. But this love thing is real. When God says that loves us, He does it unconditionally. Regardless of your flaws and mishaps, His love is real.

Take a moment to reflect on the things you’ve done. The mistakes you’ve made. The moments you’ve missed. Now envision Christ in His suffering bearing your shame.  Bearing your guilt. Bearing your cross.

Did He struggle throughout the process? Yes. But He was determined to finish His assignment. He was persuaded to endure the pain. How?

For God so loved the world that He sent His only begotten Son that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. (John 3:16KJV)

This my friends, is the definition of sacrifice. This us what love looks like. This is the essence of Good Friday and Resurrection Sunday.

I am so glad to know that even after doubting on Good Friday, His love still covers all my wrong.

Give God praise for His sacrifice of love! He was selfless in His giving. Passionate in His mercy. Allow God to transform your life! You don’t have to wait for a special day. This is your moment now.

Father,

I pray that whoever is reading this post is reminded of your love. That they are reminded of your sacrifice. That they realize that you accept us, flaws and all. We don’t have to come to you wirh false pretenses. You make us whole. You carried our sin. You bared our pain. By your stripes we are healed. Thanks for reminding us of the power we have with You. We are not forsaken. We are risen with You. We can walk with confidence. We can trust You to lead everu step of the way. Your mercies are new every morning. Thank you for being You.

Amen.